yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
