I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
