She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
