Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
