I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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