My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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