There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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