your parents love me but you hate me
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
