Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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