Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
