i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
