I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
