Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
