Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
