i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I could make wine with my vomit
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
