Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
you made out with another girl for some wings
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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