i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
