I CAN MOONWALK!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
