After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
