Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
