dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
