Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
