is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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