Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
