We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
