I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
People in love make me want to vomit
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
third nipple confirmed
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
