I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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