i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
