he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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