I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
