saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
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