I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
