I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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