A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Also, beer. Big fan.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
