I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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