I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
