dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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