my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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