hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
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