The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
