Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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