I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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