Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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