Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
