brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
