I hate all girls vehemently.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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