Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
