I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Operation Purity has been aborted
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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