hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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