So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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